I Found Sugar © 1994 Sean Altman & Billy Straus Ain't got no silver, ain't got no shiny gold I don't ever stand out in a crowd, never been too bold When I ask a lady for the time, I never get the date But suddenly the tables turned and look what's on my plate I found sugar, looks like I made the grade The sweetest lady that the good lord ever made My soul was hungry but now the girl is mine And love don't it taste so fine? She gives a fever, about a million centigrade And she's floatin' by us rubbernecks like a Macy's Day Parade It's a kennel-full of droolin' fools, the hounds are on the hunt But she looked me up and down and whispered, "YOU, I'll take the runt", yeah Chorus Well, he got sugar in the morning, got sugar in the afternoon, yeah Got sugar eatin' dinner with a knife and fork, got sugar with a spoon Well he got sugar in the car park, got sugar in the shopping mall Got sugar in the elevator going down, got sugar anywhere at all Now I'm a heifer, just grazing at my will And my jelly-belly's full of love and it's growin' bigger still & my loser friends are talkin' trash 'bout beauty & the beast But every kiss a sweet hors d'oeuvre & every night's a feast, yeah Chorus I Like You Very Much © 1992 Sean Altman I'm not saying that just the thought of you makes my walk a skip And I'm not saying that my heartbeat's any more than just a radar blip Oh, and I'm not saying that I'm not affected by your feminine such-and- such I'm saying that I like you.. I like you very much I like you, like you very much...yes, I do... Well I'm a feeble-minded drooling brute with nothing much on top When you smile at me you yank the stick right from my lollipop Well, I'm not saying that the things I'm thinking wouldn't make a virgin blush I'm saying that I like you.. I like you very much You're my long, cool woman in a black dress.. I like you, like you very much...yes, I do... Oh you know that I do Wanna cannibalize your missionary, baby Wanna shoot out your lights with my favorite gun Like skeet, wanna kiss your feet Liking you's gonna be such fun.. Well I don't mean to be so in your face, I don't mean to be indiscreet But if my temperature gets any higher, I might drop dead at your feet Oh, I got no stamps, no phone no fax machine but I'd love to stay in touch I'm saying that I like you... I like you very much I like you, like you very much... I Walk With You © 1996 Sean Altman & Billy Straus I walk this road, dodging the wind and the ground Why am I still surprised my feet make no sound? My love, my friend, if ever the road breaks in two If ever you're drifting and the hoping wears you down I'll walk with you And when you're weak, I'll hold you dear When twilight dawns and leaves are down And when you cry, I'll be your tears With every step, I'll be your ground My soul was poor, a babe left at your door But now I'm grown and strong from your embrace Love, I'm so sure I can do anything Chorus Oh my love Sure as the blue rain gonna rise Sure as the red sun burns the years into these eyes I'll walk with you And if you hurt, I'll comfort you Wrap you in dreams when nighttime comes And if you slip, I'll see you through If shadows fall, I'll raise the sun And when you walk, I walk with you Always, my love, when dreams are down And when you fly, I'll fly with you.. I Won't Mind © 1997 Sean Altman No I won't mind if you love me one day The sun will shine whether you turn or come my way We had it on, you wrote it off You wanna live - go on and live I don't belong - I ain't so tough And now I go with the nogos, only to the noshows I won't mind if you love me one day The sun will shine whether you turn or come my way We had it wrong, we had it out I wanna live, I wanna win I limp along - color my doubt And now I go where the wind blows, lonely where the gin flows Still waters flow high Though I don't see you my friend, I feel you again and again Still waters run dry And I don't see me holding nobody as I held you then... No I won't mind if you love me one day The sun will shine whether you turn or come my way Whether you turn or come my way If I Knew Then © 2002 Sean Altman & Noel Cohen I watch the sun dying in the sky Feeling so empty and wondering why I thought naively that if she would leave me I'd never cry If I knew then what I know now I would have never let her down If I knew then, if I knew then, if I knew then If I knew then what I know now She'd still be mine someway somehow If I knew then, if I knew then If I knew then (what I know now) One moment haunts me from that July She spoke of love and got no reply While I was shrinking from her Was she thinking about her goodbye? chorus I would hold her with braver arms & whisper things I wish I had told her But I just left her wondering... chorus I'm Waiting © 1996 Sean Altman I'm waiting for her to come home Cut your molars on your left ring finger And hope the love outlives the lust But she's a 2-pit fig, a 2-poke pig The expedition is a bust Cut your limb off but the itch still lingers And in the whirlwind drink the dust But maybe she's faking and I'm faking We're muckraking to rub away the rust I'm waiting for her to come home Jojakarta girl's a pink poinsettia Suckle the doubt kind from your breast But when she leeched it in, the yang turned yin Her guts couldn't stomach the test Down in Chinatown I couldn'ta known better I can't swim but took a dive for a sunken chest But maybe she's healing and I'm reeling And our broken home is under house arrest I'm waiting and wondering where my dream done gone And stuttering through my bleeding song The bawdy thing howls on & on & on And baby I'm waiting - the sidewalk yolk refuse to fry The growth is stunted but won't die And all I'm left is why & why & why Cut to February frostbit trouper A wobbly foal weeps for a fawn The heart's a bottomless keg, a centipede leg Grow back before you know it's gone Cut the muster in my knock-kneed stupor I lost the queen, rescued the pawn But maybe she's praying and I'm praying For some medicine man turning brains to brawn I'm waiting for her to come home But she keeps saying she's never coming home again For what she's braying I don't know So I keep waiting for her to come back home Indiana © 1992 Sean Altman I got a hole in my pocket & nothing coming down my leg thinking about my home I got the box in my socket, the extra E's telling me I never shoulda got up and grown I'm gonna hock every buck in the bank and vacate this skinny town like a finny brown I got a hole in my pocket & nothing trickle down Done permanent turn my mouth into a frown Got fuel in the rocket, start the countdown I got a roach in the cabinet multiplying overtime under the laundromat I ain't seen the sun in a hundred million light years, gimme a land that's flat I'm on a budget of nothing, my life is a lemon, I'm sucking the rind and it's spitting time It's what I ain't got - my momma's grin What I ain't got - I'mgonna wear it again What I ain't got - I'm gonna get me on back to IN Indiana, back on my grand-daddy's farm Someday I'll return to slam the backboard on the barn Indiana, but now the grass and corn and fireflies Are just a distant humble paradise. She got a tag on her pocketbook, "fake alligator" - never took an animal life She got a run in her stocking the length of an equator, I'm thinkin' she'll be my wife She got my face in a locket, a scrap of tin around her finger digging the bone And I'm going home To what I ain't got - my momma's grin What I ain't got - I'm gonna wear it again What I ain't got - gonna get me on back to IN Indiana, I'm gonna hold my head up proud I won't live in the shadow of no building scraping up the clouds Indiana, down at the Brickyard on Memorial Day I'm on one knee and begging you to stay Oh, honey I got a token in my pocket, a wormy apple for the boss, hitching it home tonight I down a Coke and the sign says halfway to Santa Claus, I feel I'm gonna ignite They got a pie on the window, the pickup in the backyard ready to roam 'Cause I'm coming home To what I ain't got - my momma's grin What I ain't got - I'm gonna wear it again What I ain't got - my Hoosier kin Gonna get me myself back to Indiana A Jew in the White House (The Ballad of Joe Lieberman) © 2000 Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum Pork at State dinners? Never! Campaign on Shabbas? No! Sex with interns? Never! Pay retail for missiles? No! A Jew in the White House - will wonders never cease? A Hymie at the helm if Gore should be deceased There's matzo balls for all and carpets wall to wall Hadassah's making kishka for a kosher feast, hey! Orders from the White House - gas up Air Force One We'll drop a nuke on Arafat, just to have some fun "Land for peace" my tuchas - letıs just take their oil Then attack the budget, cutting taxes like a mohel Sing! Hail to the Chief and the White House intermarriage Oh what a mitzva! A Jew in the White House - such a watershed We won't be sitting shivah if Gore should drop dead So slice a piece of lox for the Veep who's Orthodox Now the Oval Office is a place for work, not head! Joe hates rock'n'roll - he's arresting Limp Bizkit Hadassah's teaching Tipper how to make a nice brisket Joe gave a ticket a kick in the tush As any shiksa knows, it takes a Jew to lick Bush (except during menstruation, when it's forbidden by Orthodox law) A Jew in the White House - no shoes on the rug! A step away from power if Gore should take a slug He's got a circumcised tool, box seats at the shul And plastic slip covers (they're just like his mother's) His hand is on the rudder if Gore should get plugged...Joe! Julie Gone © 1997 Sean Altman Julie gone... no matter Julie gone I guess I'm happy to be duping strangers I got a mind burned sharp in the sun I guess I'm happy to flipping burgers high Hot off the roof o'my car to the bun I guess I'm better than a laboratory animal Or some kind o'critter crawled out o'the lawn But when I think of old times I think I find I guess I'm happy that Julie's gone I guess I'm happy that Julie's gone.. Julie gone... no matter Julie gone Your pretty head is flattened with a magnet You'll never break away from my fridge Now you can watch me fatten & call the dragnet out I'll be the jumper weighing down the bridge I guess you're dreaming with your cuddly valentine While I'm a bed-sweater begging for dawn But when I think of old times I think I find I guess I'm happy that Julie's gone I guess I'm happy that Julie's gone.. Julie gone... no matter Julie gone High on a vine my commotion is all I know The panicky breeze is all I own Whenever I land wherever I'm blown Is home, is home, my home, my home I guess your mystery became my maniac I guess the milk ain't worth the cow I guess that misery's an aphrodisiac I never wanted you as much as now You're treading dirty water with cement shoes I pray the current drags you far to spawn And when you pine for old times too late you'll find I guess I'm happy that Julie's gone I guess I'm happy that Julie's gone.. Julie gone... no matter Julie gone Kingdom of Shy © 1994 Music by Elliott Kerman Lyrics by Sean Altman Mine is the Kingdom of Shy I'm a consequential lonely guy And don't try to lend me a smile I've got grins piled up to the sky There's not too much time for friends My official duties never end Want to break from my throne and fly From the castle in the Kingdom of Shy A buttery day, my battery's wound On the tail of my prey on a merry-go-round My tongue is alive and man, am I stumping For something, or one thing, to get me pumping Mine is the Kingdom of Shy I'm a monumentally meek kind of guy Is there some paperback I can buy That will teach this pony to fly? An eight-hour train, she sat next to me She told me her name, put her hand on my knee The conversation started to deepen I spent it pretending that I was sleeping Mine is the Kingdom of Shy I'm a bona fide-ly bashful guy I'm not one who likes to testify But I try, lord knows how I try Standing in the breakdown lane, looking like you can't explain Thumb's out, the sign says, "Going my way?" I slowed it, unrolled it, hold it... (tick, tock, tick, tock) Then sped away Such is the Kingdom of Shy, for me I'm the quintessential quiet guy You can't teach a pony to fly But I try, lord knows how I'm trying And one day you might see this pony fly Straight up in the sky with a lottery smile Direct, non-stop, one way out from the Kingdom of Shy I am the monumental monarch of the Kingdom of Shy... guys! 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